


In This Moment

by AlyaRayne



Category: Death Note
Genre: After the Kira Case, Bring tissues, Character Death In Dream, Depressing Themes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Songfic, The boys are still alive, You may need them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyaRayne/pseuds/AlyaRayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And I’m falling, watching as your hurting. I’m down here, I’m on my knees. How can I survive? And you turn to me, and promise me you’re ready. And tell me you’ll be waiting on the other side...   Into the Light – In This Moment<br/> </p><p>Mello has a nightmare that Matt didn't make it through the Kira case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In This Moment

**Author's Note:**

> So this story came about after I read the lyrics for the song Into The Light by In This Moment. I wrote it in about an hour, and yes I did cry pretty much the whole time I was writing. Seriously, never listen to that song on repeat. It will make you emo. 
> 
> The song can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir-KDRv0LmE and I recommend you listen to it because it's a great song. I hope you like it!

And I’m falling, watching as your hurting.  
I’m down here, I’m on my knees.  
How can I survive?  
And you turn to me, and promise me you’re ready  
And tell me you’ll be waiting on the other side...

Into the Light – In This Moment

 

Your hand is shaking in mine, your breaths gasping out into the cold, sterile room. I look at you; see your pale face, eyes shut tight with pain as you try to breathe through the bullet wounds that had ripped through your torso. Your lungs were failing and there was nothing the doctors could do. They say that you’ve already lost too much blood to take you to surgery. 

A hand on my shoulder makes me look away from you for just a moment. The doctor’s standing there, face grim. “You have to let him go.” she says, eyes dark with her own grief, but I don’t care about her. I grip your hand tighter, sinking out of my chair and onto my knees beside your bed, pressing my head against our clasped hands. I’m shaking, tears spilling down my cheeks because I know that this is my fault. You’re only here because I asked for your help. 

Your hand squeezes mine back as tightly as you can and I look up to see your blue/green eyes on me, glazed over but more aware than they have been since I got here. You smile at me, your eyes soft and I know what you’re going to say. 

“M-M-Mels…love you.” I gasp in a breath, feeling my heart break. 

“No! No, Matt you’ll be fine! You just have to stay with me! Don’t you fucking duck out on me now. We’ve been through too much! ” I say, gripping onto you tighter. You just shake your head. 

“Mels…’s time…I’m r-ready.” I shake my head, biting my lip hard enough to make it bleed. “I-I’ll save you…a seat…ok? For…for when I…see you again.” The tears are coming faster now and I can’t breathe any better than you can. 

“Mattie…Mattie I’m so sorry.” I whisper, looking into your beautiful eyes, so dull now with your pain. “I love you so much Matt. Mail. So much…” your hand squeezes mine once more. Something outside the room turns on, sending blinding light through the room and I blink, shielding my eyes by burying my face in the bed. A breeze brushes past my face, ruffling my hair, and I swear for a second I can feel your lips on my cheek. 

The light fades and I look back up, but your eyes are closed. There’s a high pitched sound, and doctors are pulling me away from you. I scream, trying to hold on, trying to keep you with me. Hands grab my arms and I fight harder. 

“Mello! Mello come on!” I hear your voice, but I know that there’s no way it’s yours. You…you’re not here anymore. “Mello wake up! Mello!” Something’s shaking me hard. My screaming sounds different, closer and less echoing, and I notice that it’s very dark through my closed eyelids. But when did I close my eyes?

“Mello for fucks sake, wake up right now!” 

I open my eyes gasping for breath as my lungs protest my screaming. My face is wet with tears, more spilling out of my eyes and all it can see is blurry red and black. I breathe in, panting hard, and the weight on my chest lessens when the person who was on top of me moves. 

Wide, sleepy blue/green eyes meet mine and I’m crying all over again. Mattie…

“H-how…Matt…you…” but he cuts me off. 

“Shh, you’re ok now. It’s just a nightmare.” he says, brushing sweaty hair off my face. He looks worried and very pale in the half light of the nightlight on his side of the bed. I bury my face in his bare chest, the pale skin freckled and covered with nearly invisible hair, and it was perfect because there were no bullet holes. He holds me tight in a way that I would never admit I needed, kissing the top of my head gently, and I can only cry harder. 

The image of him, his eyes closed and that perfect, imperfect chest bloody and motionless made me grip him that much harder, my fingers digging into his skin. He rocked me, muttering nonsense into my hair while his hand rubbed up and down my back. 

Slowly, ohh so slowly I started to relax, my breathing evening out, my grip on him loosening, my tears stopping. I pressed my cheek to his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, comforting after the sound of the flat-line. 

“Mattie…” I whispered it, but he still heard me, holding me tighter. He must have know the moment that I calmed down enough to fully pull myself out of the nightmare because just as I was noticing the way his pajamas caught on mine he said, “You were screaming at me not to go.” 

I tensed, looking up at the underside of his chin, unwilling to pull away enough to see his face. “I…I dreamt that you didn’t wear the Kevlar.” I said, my old Russian accent coming out more than it usually did, my voice raspy and thick with tears. “Y-You…you didn’t…you lost too much blood…and” His hand stilled on my back, massaging instead of stroking. “…and you didn’t…didn’t…” but I couldn’t finish. 

His fingers carded through my hair and I leaned into the touch, not caring how weak I was being at the moment. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” he said, once again kissing my head. 

“I know…it just…felt too fucking real. And when you…” once again I choked, pressing closer to him. “I swear I felt you…kiss me goodbye.” Just thinking about it made another tear slip from my already sore eyes. Gently he pulled me up further so that I could see him, see his beautiful eyes, his freckled face, his horrible bed head, and then he was kissing me. His lips tasted like sleep and the cigarette he had smoked before bed and with just that kiss I felt like I could breathe again. He was alive. So alive in my arms, breathing, heart beating against mine, lips moving gently. I pulled him closer, but the kiss still stayed soft. 

“Mihael…” he breathed when he pulled away. I shivered. The sound of my real name said by his voice was always both wonderful and frightening. “I’m alive because you yelled at me until I put on that vest. I’m alive because Watari and Near thought quickly enough to get me out of there before something worse happened. But mostly I’m alive because a wonderful little blonde brat saved me a long time ago and kept me alive ever since.” This more than anything else made me smile, and I smacked his arm lightly.  
“I was never a brat, Mail.” I said, still quietly because if I spoke to loud this might go away and I would be back there in that room. 

“Biggest brat at Wammy’s, including all the new kids.” I hit him again, this time a little harder and he just smirked at me, eyes sparkling. “But you were the only one there that kept me from ending up like A. And you still do that for me every day.” I bit my lip. I never liked it when Matt talked about the period of time before Wammy’s. He had told me once that the day Watari came to get him he had been contemplating if the fall from the second floor of his Aunt’s house would kill him. Luckily Watari had shown up just as he was climbing out the window and brought him to me. It was still hard for me to believe that my fun, happy, carefree Matt had ever felt that alone. 

“You know what you mean to me Matt. Even if I can’t always say it.” I say, “I love you more than anything else in my life. I would die for you.” Matt smiles at me, but it’s a sad smile.  
“You think I would do any better than you would if it was you that died?” he asked, voice soft. 

“No,” I answer, because I know what it was like for him when I left. He pulled me to him, hugging me close and I sighed, breathing in the smell of ginger and cigarettes. “I love you Mattie.” 

“I love you too, Mels.” he said against my neck and I shivered. “Do you want me to grab that chocolate beer you bought for you? It might help you sleep.” I glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning. We had been in bed for about three hours. I shook my head. 

“No, drunk dreams are even worse than sober ones.” I said, shoving my sweaty hair out of my face. “I think I just want a shower. You stay here and sleep, you need more rest than I do, especially since you have physical therapy in the morning.” He shuddered, glaring at the blankets. He hated that his leg was taking this long to heal after being shot. The Kevlar had protected his torso, but they had still gotten a few shots in, including one to his shoulder and one to his thigh. The doctors were amazed that it didn’t kill him, as close as the latter shot had been to an artery. I pushed that thought out of my mind, not wanting to think about death anymore. 

I threw off the blankets and stood, stretching until my back popped. “I’ll be back in a bit.” I said, giving Matt a smile that I didn’t really feel. I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t want Matt to lose sleep because of one stupid fucking nightmare that I couldn’t get over. 

I padded to the bathroom, dropping my pajama pants onto the towel rack to put back on and I was just about to start the shower when I heard Matt’s limping footsteps coming up behind me. Arms encircled my waist a second later and I couldn’t help but lean back into him. “Run a bath instead, I can’t stand long enough to shower.” he said into my ear. I smiled, a real one this time. Matt always knew what I needed, even when I didn’t admit it to myself.

The bath was ready quickly and by the time it was I had helped Matt out of his own pajamas and checked the healing bullet scar in his left thigh. He wiggled his eyebrows when I kneeled in front of him to get a better look, and I just rolled my eyes at him. Yes, like either of us actually had enough energy to want or give a blowjob. Maybe later when I could see straight enough to get Matt’s dick in my mouth without stabbing it into my eye first. 

Sinking into the tub with Matt behind me holding me tight was a rare experience. Usually we showered separately, or I would help him with a bath from outside the tub, but sometimes, on nights that our demons reared their ugly heads, we would do this. I rested my head on his chest, relaxing into the deep, nearly painfully hot water, and let the sound of his heartbeat calm what little anxiety I had left from the dream. 

“I love you, Mello.” said Matt, his thumb stroking over the skin of my stomach. 

“Love you too, sappy moron.” I muttered back, already half asleep, as safe as that was during a bath. Not that either of us could drown, the tub was too small. From behind me I could feel Matt relax a little more. He could tell that I was starting to feel better, and I knew that it would make him feel better. We’ve always been like that with each other. 

Before I knew what was happening he was shaking me gently, whispering my name. I blinked, realizing that the water was much colder and I must have fallen asleep. I helped him out of the tub, and he helped to dry me off. We left our pajamas on the rack, too tired to get dressed, and then we were back in bed. Matt curled around my back, his arm across my chest, and I fell asleep listen to the sound of his deep, even breathing. He was alive, and so was I, and in this moment nothing was more real to me than the feeling of him pressed against my back.

 

And you showed me all the good,  
And you lead me through the light,  
And you give me the sun,  
It’s time to free you tonight.

Into the Light – In This Moment

Fin


End file.
